X46: Mom Guilt

By July 2, 2021No Comments

I’ve only been a mom for a few months, and I’m already intimately familiar with the constant pressure that moms feel.

Am I doing things the right way?
To vaccinate or not to vaccinate?
To circumcise or not to circumcise…
Is cosleeping unsafe or is that just a western belief?
Should I hold my baby more or is he learning independence?
Is contact napping good or teaching bad habits?
Is sleep training cruel or am I actually teaching my baby to sleep better?
Is this carrier causing hip dysplasia?
Is this seat hindering his development or helping it?

There are so many decisions to make for children and almost all of them have a whole gang behind either side of the answer ready… and if you’re in the Facebook groups, they’re usually ready to shame you for whatever you pick.

I have my beliefs. I’ve researched both sides of almost everything at this point. I’ve sat with my decisions and they feel right in my body.

But even so, I somehow still feel a little guilty. I don’t even always know where it’s coming from. Maybe it’s just holding space for the tiny seed of doubt that there could be a better way to do things.

I will tell you that what feels right for me and my family is more of an attachment parenting style. I wasn’t convinced of this at all. I actually read so many books on other methods, and began trying versions of them (to be honest none of them felt 100% my style so I adapted), but then I’d get burnt out and I’d relax into what felt intuitive.

Then I found out that what I was doing naturally was more attachment parenting.

But, I’m also not here to say that it’s the right way or that any other way is the wrong way. There are things that feel wrong to me, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong for another family.

I swear parenting in general, from the moment he was conceived until now, just a few months in, has been the most humbling experience of my life.

And I love it. I can have strong opinions. I do research fro a reason. I’m always looking for the “right way” to do life. And about 3 months into pregnancy, I thought I had found a right way for everything. And one at a time the universe has had other plans.

What I’m learning is that the right way for me is already inside me. My child chose me for a reason. Because the way I do things is what he needs to develop into the best version of himself.

I still want to learn from moms who came before me, but I no longer want to feel pressured to follow a structure that may not fit my family.

But just because I don’t intend to feel pressured, doesn’t mean I don’t feel it. But my mindset around that pressure determines my relationships to it.

Can I just notice I’m feeling the pressure and let it pass? Or do I identify with it and let it affe more than just the moment?

Something tells me that this pressure isn’t just something I feel as a new mom with an infant. Every stage of life with him will be my first time being a mom to a toddler, then a grade schooler, then a preteen and a teenager.

If I have more kids then there will be the thoughts about fairness and time spent with each of them and teaching them to get along.

So instead of figuring out the right thing for every single decision about being a mom, the best thing I can do is release the pressure and be confident in who I am as a mom right now.

That way, instead of trying to control my baby, I’m learning to let go of control in general and show up as a mom with an energy that I’m proud of.

So that’s what we’re talking about today. Our guest is Dr. Gertrude Lyons. She is a Master Life Coach and Relationship Expert with over 20 years of experience. Through her Rewriting The Mother Code initiative, which challenges the traditional notions of motherhood and womanhood, Dr. Lyons has become a national mothering revolutionary.

So today we’re going to challenge the myths surrounding womanhood, mothering, and what it means to be a mother.

We Will Learn

  • To debunk the 14 myths of motherhood
  • How to break the thought pattern of “traditional” mothering and the “rules” that come with it 
  • How to ask, reflect, and have the hard conversations around what kind of mother you want to be

Guest Links

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Dr. Gertrude Lyons on Mind Love Podcast
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